The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think i have herpe
just one?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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