I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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