every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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