her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
