Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
