Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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