I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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