the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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