I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
