Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
