Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize