Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
