you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
