i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
