i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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