How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
is that a dick in a sweater?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
