I didn't shave. On purpose
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
