After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
