The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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