But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
