Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
