I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
