is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
