Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
