Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
