I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
