i just had sex bonerless
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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