he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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