Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
