Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
