I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
