You're my little dorito
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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