after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
