Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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