I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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