Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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