my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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