Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
