we're chasing vodka with high fives
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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