Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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