My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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