I think I died a long time ago.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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