You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
