It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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