nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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