You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize