Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
