On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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