Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
