She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
