and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
