...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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