She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
