Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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