she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
