the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
