Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
