my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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