I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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