So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
