RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
