Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
