i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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