Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
