My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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