It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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