Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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