Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
