So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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