I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
