I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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