I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
